Am I Real....Who Am I ?

I like to imagine that I wake up every morning

even though I never
sleep because my mind is too occupied,
that when I eat I actually
swallow, and not subconsciously
go into the bathroom and put my
fingers in my mouth forming a gun symbol
directed into my throat so
that I nudge myself so hard and spew every
last thing I thought I ate
and more. That I actually blink
and not let flies land on my eye and
reproduce a whole new breed, that I leave my
house and see people
outside and it's not just me imagining
this or having a conversation
in my mind and that I'm actually rationally
the only person in this
world. That everything I feel or the memories
I have were not invented
by me. Most of all that I never imagined being
loved and that love
doesn't even exist, it's a trick my mind plays
to get humor out of my
reactions.... Am I real??