Goodbye Memories....

My role model Oedipus..these fingers
will soon be in use... Changing

positions in my bed, looking for the cold patches

 on this bed that
seems to shrink when I'm scared,

that seems to

 feel hotter when I'm
scared, placing my hand under my pillow.. Ha.
. That heats up too...

I cannot escape this nightmare.. When I'm awake I see him, when I

think his there too, when I eat his in
between my sandwich, even
there when my heart beats, worst of all his in
my dreams. How do you

dismiss that? How can I erase his face from my life.. I can't.. Or

won't I.. The only way would be to eradicate
my eyes from my head...

Goodbye his face, goodbye that smile.. Goodbye my love ...ive removed what got us here..

Like A Weak Bladder..

Same reason to wake up everyday,

my weak bladder, sitting on that  
toilet seat almost in pain because it just
won't come out, I'm getting   
frustrated because it just won't
get out. I've tried everything.. It
 fooled me into thinking I really needed
to go but now it just won't   
drop.. Got myself rolling the tissue roll
round my fist like I'm ready 
 to fight, it still won't come out.
Made the water drip thinking that  
would help me, that didn't change a thing.
Now I've left the seat,  
finally given up. I'm back on
 my bed,
it's happening again... I can  
feel it I'm ready.. Ok, I'm ready.. It's.. It's..
Happeniiiinnggg...   Gone. Flush.
 His out of my life now,
his love in me was like a painful   bladder, now I've flushed him...  

Am I Real....Who Am I ?

I like to imagine that I wake up every morning

even though I never
sleep because my mind is too occupied,
that when I eat I actually
swallow, and not subconsciously
go into the bathroom and put my
fingers in my mouth forming a gun symbol
directed into my throat so
that I nudge myself so hard and spew every
last thing I thought I ate
and more. That I actually blink
and not let flies land on my eye and
reproduce a whole new breed, that I leave my
house and see people
outside and it's not just me imagining
this or having a conversation
in my mind and that I'm actually rationally
the only person in this
world. That everything I feel or the memories
I have were not invented
by me. Most of all that I never imagined being
loved and that love
doesn't even exist, it's a trick my mind plays
to get humor out of my
reactions.... Am I real??

Pain On My Face..

The pain on my face... So unexplainable,
so full of hate. I want to
grab a knife and slice my face off
so I don't have to see anymore of
this. I want to walk into a knife
by accident and paint it read with
the last feeling inside me. I want to put
a grenade in my heart and
let it explode over and over again,
I've been forced into this state,
I've literally been a victim to my hearts homicide...
This circle
won't stop.. The pain continues to be shown to me.
Images. Words!
Images! Words!
Why can't he stop this.
But then again we might aswell
call my heart the moon and
call him Eugene Cerman as his the last man
that was in my heart... But I guess this time EUgene assailed my
moon :-(

Should I let Go ?

As I lay on my back and wondered to myself.
 What am I meant to do at
this moment? I can fix everything that ever went wrong.
 But I'm afraid
to speak out or continue attempting to fight
 a battle I've already
lost. Someone else has already won him from me.
Any effort made now
would be like trying to reach the end of the world.
 The very message
that he sends me anytime from now could change it all.
 But with me.. I
hve a lot to do for him to change anything for me.
 So my deepest fear
now is losing him forever.
 So must I love and leave him or must I love
and show him....
For it's so often the hardest thing watching him
forget me so easily whilst I suffer
 in a corner full of memories.

What do I do??

Fleshly, Carnal, Sexy...LATE!!!.....

How art burneth my heart….
I sit here on my bed wondering why I deserve all the pain in the world inflicted on me all at once…
I just wanted to express how I felt but you couldn’t hear me because you only heard what you wanted to, I thought I would have a chance to prove to you how I feel, I was ready to announce…
My emotions were ready, my heart was smiling.. When our bodies were together I knew a secret language was articulated to communicate the love that was burning inside us, intoxicating us with desire….
You placed your hand on mine and I felt like we had united, everything was right as we kissed each other gently, my heart was thumping, my veins rushing, I had to respire….
I had never felt love like the love that you gave me.. My heart detached itself from my body and entered your world, as you turned me over I knew things would never be the same again, I could feel the sweat drippin down your chest… I was like baby don’t stop….
And you were like no I wont, imma take you to the top….
I been thinking about you everyday since we last spoke and It hurts that someone else is getting your attention, causin me depression, im so broken you should see my expression…

My Heart And I Don't Know You

Are you avoiding me....?? Are you?? Are you avoiding me... My heart is asking you a question !!! Why am I in a corner?? Why am I all alone. Where am I. I'm not familiar with this place??it's cold in here and there's a massive hole that's amalgamated with us. Why has love been taken away from us?? When you sleep at night does it not bother you at all? Do you have a hole?? Why is there a hole in me?? The very veins on my hand are unaware of this new venue you have forced upon us!!!!!! Thump thump thump thump..... I can see you there, you're coming back!!! Should I clean up, I'll get ready for you... Ok we are ready. Ah I knew you hadn't forgotten us.it's no longer cold in here..... I feel so safe.... No!!! Wait it's different. You're different. This isn't real is it?? You're not the same person you were anymore. Ur not even who I thought u were,.... Who are you??? Why have you done this.

Leave me!!!